Lindsay Monroe | Inked Magazine

Lindsay Monroe | Inked Magazine

Vice Around My Heart

A vice around my heart
Which pumps out ice.
Lips sewn shut
Lest I spew out fire.
Snakes slither in my eyes
Poised to strike at your lies.
Heroine in my presence,
a silent addiction.
Fluid in my movements,
Washing away your memory.

Blue Woes

Frozen winter air
Drifting through shattered, broken window panes.
Cold, dull, and aching soul,
Blue lips and silent woes.

Show a Little Love, Shed a Little Light On Depression.

There is nothing more frustrating than going through a bout of depression. It's like an inner battle within your mind between the light and the dark with no apparent victor in sight. The mind jumps to crazy and atypical solutions to fix your illogical mental thought processes. What's worse, is when you reach out to people during this struggle which you have no control over, they typically shout out generic advice and brush you off because they're too busy with their own lives and think that you're just sad and over exaggerating. "Keep busy!", or "Why don't you try some yoga?", or, "Drink some tea and distract yourself, that always works for me." 

What most people don't understand is the amount that people with depression are actually suffering and why they are reaching out. It's hard enough for people to reach out when they're upset or going through a hard time in society today. Everywhere you look, society is bombarded through various forms of media, praising happy people. That might sound odd, but if you pay attention you'll realize that everything is focused around happy people making the most out of their lives either by scoring their dream job, traveling around the world, or landing that perfect spouse and producing the perfect children. These are models for us average everyday people, this is who we are "supposed to be" and who we should aim to be. But realistically people and their lives come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Most people don't fit the mold, and while some embrace being a square peg in a round hole, there are other's who feel an immense pressure and distress towards societies representation of normal.

Think about it – we live in an individualistic society that focuses on people and their individual lives, while also maintaining a pack mentality. It's all about finding yourself, doing you, finding your inner Zen amidst the chaos of the bustling world. But at the same time that we are supposed to be different from our peers, we are in conflict with a society that sets strict boundaries on how much deviance is acceptable. It's utterly confusing and overwhelming. In this world where apparently being a lone wolf reigns supreme, most people are simply unique members of a common and diverse pack. For the true lone wolf living beyond the edges of the pack, when trouble arises and help is asked for, he or she is treated as truly deviant – contagiously ill and only supported with the barest survival needs.

In a world where everything says we should be happy, it would take the average person nerves of steel to explain, "No, I'm not just 'upset', or 'having a bad day' and no a cup of tea won't help." How do you tell someone that you've spent the last six hours curled up in a ball crying on the bathroom floor, or spent the last four days in bed under a dark ominous cloud without looking like a complete loon and losing a little dignity. It shouldn't be this way, but this is how society makes us feel about confronting real psychological issues because hey! Apparently being happy isn't that hard, just do these three steps and every day will be filled with kittens and rainbows and good vibes.

The way people lightly throw around phrases such as, "oh I'm so depressed" or, "I have so much anxiety" leads to a sort of fluffing around the edges of real psychological disorders. This also leads to a harsher judgement upon people who actually suffer from them. When someone experiences a real anxiety attack or bout of depression versus the typical amount of pre-test anxiety or coping with the loss of a job, these people are typically stigmatized and greeted with eye-rolls when in fact these behaviors are mostly out of their control.

Yes, people with depression know that they can't lay in bed for the rest of their lives. And yes, people with depression know that eventually their bodies will run out of tears and that once you hit rock bottom emotionally there is nowhere else to go but up. But these people reach an emotional rock bottom more often than you think. They aren't reaching out to you because they need generic advice,  in that emotional darkness generic advice is more frustrating than anything because surprise, these people WANT TO BE HAPPY. They want to be happy but sometimes their disorder gets in the way. Most of the time they can't even figure out or explain the dark turmoil of emotions coursing inside of them. They just need to know that someone is there on the outside holding a life vest, a piece of rope, anything to serve as a beacon or something to grasp onto in their seemingly endless gloom. So have a little patience, and realize that these people are truly suffering and trying to conquer their demons.  Also know that they are going to be okay in a few hours, or a few days or sometimes a few months. Know that your presence means the world to them even if they can't express it, and in their darkest moments your mere presence is their light. 

Not your typical lost in the woods

Searching for moss on the north side of the tree.

But lost within myself,

An endless torment of drowning 

In mine own sorrows.

Always just below the surface

Looking at the sun being blurred

By the ceaseless waves.

Trying to breath was like

Being crushed by cement beams.

The water invading my lungs,

An endless and silent scream. 

From a Friend.

This I have to admit is not my work (though I wish it was) but rather the work of a dear friend. With his words he helped me through a dark period of my life by basically beating confidence into me and making me realize my own strength. It's crazy what a few simple words can do (and yes I have his permission to put this on here).

"Not many guys that I can think of deserve you. Seriously. It's also about being able to handle you. You're tough, in all kinds of ways (good and bad, in the traditional senses). But what a guy gets in return for being your partner, if he can peer into your soul...that's a lucky guy. And you are tough to handle. Your spirit is like forged steel. You're fierce in every way. That's a good thing. People mess with you at your own expense. You have scars...invisible ones that you should never have to carry. You shouldn't have a reason to smile. You've been wronged and broken and held back and pushed around and taken advantage of. Yet...you give family another chance, and another, and another. You're unflinchingly loyal. You smile, you laugh, you have fun. You've seen darkness in depths even I can't appreciate and yet you survive and come out even better. None of us are perfect. But you...you're like some wild material that is fragile but absurdly strong and able to reform after the hardest blows."


Inspiring huh? Words have more power than you think. I was a bit hesitant to post this on here, but it was such a beautiful and moving semblance of words that in the end couldn't resist.

Love is a Mirage

Loving you was like being enveloped
By cold mist on a hot summers day.
You clung to my skin,
invigorated and caressed me oh so sweetly.
I breathed you in, your essence sending
shivers up and down my spine.
And when you left me,
It was like being stranded in the desert.
A thirst that could never be quenched,
Grasping at a mirage.

#life #love #loss #poetry

I've spent my whole life feeling like I was on the outside looking in, watching people go about their daily lives while I was left pressed against the glass trying to figure it all out, wishing I could be a part of it. But then one day I realized they were all trapped inside while the world was mine to wander and marvel at. I've never found myself back at that window, though I have wondered if there were was ever someone looking outwards on the world from the inside, wishing they could be somewhere else.

#life #travel